I have two and a half hours before making an attempt to shop with the masses at 4 am. It's not like I sleep anyway, so why not go?

It's Thanksgiving, which means this year is slowly coming to an end. I tell people on a daily basis how amazing 2009 has been, and I will continue to talk about it, so if you're tired of hearing about this year, leave now.

On a lighter note, I really do love this holiday. All year people rush around. Work, school, and your friends become the highlight of your life, and we rarely stop to focus on the things that matter the most. We get so caught up in our lives, at least, I know I do. I complain more than I'm thankful. I run more than I walk. I never slow down. I'm always moving, looking forward, and trying to figure out what's next.

On Thanksgiving, time stops. People you rarely talk to text you to say "Happy Thanksgiving". It's a day filled with nothing but family and food. You stop everything and reflect on what you're thankful for. It's what I've been doing all day. I hope some of you did the same.

So, I decided that I'd make a blog about what I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for my family. This year has been a weird year for me. I've stepped out of my shell, traveled more, and became less dependent on the ones closest to me. It's funny, because the further away I went, the more I realized I needed them. My family is my rock. We have problems and fights daily, but the love always outshines the struggle. I just really really love them, and am so incredibly thankful to have them in my life.

I'm thankful for my friends. You know who you are. I have friends all over the USA now, and I wouldn't have thought that was possible a year ago. I've gone places that I didn't think I'd ever go. I met people that I can now call my best friends. I can't see my life without you guys, and we haven't even known each other a year. So, thank you. You've all taught me how to grow. You've taught me how to live again. How to just be myself, and accept myself for who I am, because YOU accepted me for who I am. I love you so much for that, and I can't be thankful enough for having all of you in my life.

I'm thankful for my job, as much as I complain. I love my kids so much, every single one of them. They make me smile when I'm having a bad day. They teach me to be patient when I'm ready to explode. They love me when it feels like no one else will. They light up my day, and I'm grateful to be called their teacher.

I'm SO incredibly thankful for the musicians that have become such a huge part of my life. This year wouldn't have been possible without them. They helped me find myself, find my best friends, and they are the core of every memory that makes me smile. I don't need to say their names, because if you're reading this, you already know who I'm talking about.

I just love everybody right now, and I may only be saying this because I could be dead this time tomorrow. I hope I survive Black Friday. Wish me luck, happy thanksgiving, and don't forget, my birthday is in seven days. ; )

I haven't blogged in what seems like forever. Instead of writing 5434543 paragraphs explaining the things I've been getting into, I'll bullet the highlights (and lowlights) of my life at the moment. I hope they amuse you as much as they've amused me.

-I took a metro by myself on Friday, and witnessed a group of kids run up and down the isle of the train singing Lollipop at the top of their lungs. The beat-boxer looked like Lil Wayne's kid.
-I went to an army base and played a game of Kings with some guys that definitely weren't bad looking.
-From there, we all went to a bar. This was my first time setting foot into a bar. Some guy groped my elbows, and I also watched Carlton Banks dance battle some 40 year old white guy who enjoyed bar hopping solo.
-I went shopping Saturday and didn't buy anything. Major break through on my part.
-I also went to a gay bar on Saturday.
-We got kicked out of that same gay bar for underage drinking, but not before getting to experience a drag queen who looked identical to Chile from TLC sing to us. Totally worth it.
-Once we left the bar, we made our way over to a frat house, where I actually drank beer. Yes, beer. I hate beer, but I drank it anyway.
-Val and I stole a handle of Captain from some guy who was a quarter past wasted, and finished it off while winning a game of beer pong.
-I would tell you what happened after that, but all I really remember is taking an impromptu tour of DC, where instead of seeing one Washington Monument, I was seeing two/three. Teen drinking, apparently, is really bad.
-On Sunday, we waited in a ridiculously long line just to buy a cupcake, but it was worth the wait. Georgetown knows what's up in the cupcake department, plus their college is swarming with hot young lawyers in training. Yum.
-On another note, I can't turn off Rihanna's Russian Roulette, and Drop It Low by Ester Dean has been in my head all day. It's embarrassing when you have the sudden urge to shout out "drop it, drop it low girl" at any given moment. I need help.
-I finally decided what camera I want. Win.
-I'm still sick. Lose.
-I have a 5 page paper on Jean Piaget due after Thanksgiving break, and I have no desire to start it. Piaget looks like the Colonel and Orville Redenbacher's love child. No bueno.

I have nothing else to update you with, but if anything life changing goes down, I'll let you know.

I graduated a year and a half ago, and it's safe to say that nothing has changed. I never went off to college. I never got another job. I didn't move out, or leave the state of Maryland, or even get my license for that matter. I literally did nothing other than work at the ark and go to concerts.

I didn't care at first. It honestly didn't bother me. I figured a year off from school wouldn't kill me. I hated school, and I loved being able to stay home without being forced to go to class everyday. I don't regret not jumping directly into college. I learned more about myself in the last year than I did in the four years I attended high school.

It bothers me now though. All of my friends are in their second year of college. My other friends are starting college next year. And where am I? Sitting at my desk at three am by myself, contemplating life.

If you were to ask me what I wanted to do with my life, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I know that people spend years in college without picking a major, but I'm still scared. I'm scared that I may never make it back to school. I'm scared that I won't be able to figure out what I want to do. I'm scared of realizing the things I wanna do may be impossible. The thought of settling down and just getting by at a daycare terrifies me.

The only thing I'm good at is writing, and even that comes and goes with time. Writing and going to concerts. Music, and english, are the only things I hold close to my heart, and I'm having trouble finding a way to incorporate those two things into something that won't just be another job for me.

I made an attempt to look at the college catalog again tonight, and I didn't know where to start. I'm interested in everything. How can I pick a major? I wanna learn about film, and photography, and writing stories. I wanna study history, and take english classes. I wanna do everything, and if I could somehow take a little of everything and put it into one major, I would in a heartbeat.

I don't believe in sitting down in an office all day typing. I don't believe in doing something just to make money. I want to travel the world. I want to go to millions of concerts, and shows, and visit new restaurants and meet new people.

This summer made me realize how much I love going from place to place, city to city, and getting lost in music every single night in a different atmosphere. I wish I could make a career out of that.

Maybe I'll just hop in the luggage compartment of a tour bus and hope I don't get caught.

I realize that I already blogged after most of the Jonas shows I attended this summer, but in case you didn't get a chance to catch any of those blogs, or you feel like reading another one, here it is. Again.

I went to seven shows during the World Tour. I saw thousands upon thousands of fans scream, cry, and sing at each and every show I went to. I saw hundreds of girls wait in line to meet the boys, fixing their hair every two seconds and jumping up and down out of excitement. I saw four guys that I care a lot about have their dreams come true over night. I saw more happiness in the last two months than I have in a long time, and I have three guys to thank for that.

If you don't like the Jonas Brothers, then you wouldn't understand why I went to so many shows this summer. You wouldn't understand the rush I get from seeing them on stage. You wouldn't understand my reasoning behind spending so much money. Why spend all that money? It's the same show every time, right? I can't tell you how many times I heard that phrase. My family thought I was insane, and I couldn't explain why I wanted to see them as many times as I did. Why not even seven shows was enough. I knew the reason, but I couldn't find a way to explain it to them. I know this girl that managed to go to more than half their shows in the US (no, not Hannah Hylen). She wrote a blog the other day describing her summer, and it almost brought me to tears. I took out a few things that were irrelevant, but I wanted to share it with everyone else. So...here it is:



"I didn't know how I felt going to my first show on the summer tour. I had read interviews, seen photos and made a failed attempt at asking Joe what a water screen was only to be shut down by Kevin with a pat on my arm saying "he can't tell you anything, you have to wait & see!" If anything, I'm very impatient so this didn't help relieve any of my anxiety going to the first show that it would be something I might possibly need a poncho for to shield my outfit & camera. I still think Joe would've spilled the deets. (I hate name dropping, I will never ever do it again. I promise.)

I still don't know how I feel about the first show I saw on this tour. I was in awe, I know that. There was a feeling all summer that rushed over me every night the lights went down & that red circle starts spinning around in the middle of the stage with the silhouette of the boys.. it's a tingling that starts at the top of my head and shoots immediately down to the ground like some electric pulsation of excitement that is uncontrollably welcomed. Nassau Coliseum was by far two of the hottest evenings inside arenas (temperature wise) and I was still shivering when the lights went down & the red started spinning. The loud deafening screams are blocked out the instant I would see red & all I could do, no matter where I was sitting at the time, was smile. Every night. I would smile because seeing dreams come true and being surrounded by dreams coming true every night is a living miracle I got to be part of. It's not just three boys on stage living their dream, it's band members living their dreams, it's opening acts living their dreams, it's little girls seeing their first concert, sick children having a wish come true to see their favorite band, parents being able to provide an unforgettable night for their families... all of these dreams coming true all around me. There's nothing left to do but smile.

My first show on this tour I sat in the last row on the floor and couldn't stop crying. I had the best night. All my apprehension about the center stage & water screen & crane & two catwalks & rotating & lifts & foam & every other nervous question I had were all diminished because I had the best night. It takes me one minute to realize how useless questions of doubt are when it comes to the Jonas Brothers. In simple words, they are absolute professionals when it comes to exceeding expectations. I had seen the stage from the 400's section and I had seen the stage from front row on the side & on the floor... Every seat, God's honest truth, was a seat worth having at the world tour. The lights, the rotations, the choreography and the larger-than-life aspect of it all was like a perfect puzzle, flawless in every way. The precise amount of overwhelming without pushing too far.

I tend to appreciate and prefer simple, stripped down shows more than grandiose arena tours that come with their smoke & mirror acts, but this tour felt real enough to replace my love for the stripped down shows. For a summer I was surrounded by beautiful, high energy music that took priority over the smoke & mirrors rather than vice versa. Stripped down or dressed up, the Jonas Brothers always deliver.

The shows that followed the first show all lived up to, if not exceeded that first night for me. Something about each show and each city has a special place in my heart & in turn I've left a piece of myself in each of those places as well. The hours in the car & the nights on the road all blur together eventually until all I can recall now is laughter & exhaustion that was well worth it. I am attached to every single second of this past summer & I wouldn't have it any other way. Every single smile, hug, song, laugh & tear I carry with me every single day as a reminder of how life can really be once you let go of all the bad & let the good into your heart. With every passing day I was away from home I prayed for my family & friends at home and all the people and new friends I had met along my travels that they would all one day find a happiness in something the way I had found happiness in music each night. I know very few people who can instantly tell me what makes them the happiest they have ever been in their entire life. So many things are attached to negative feelings at one point or another - "people change & promises are broken".

Music is absolute - the creators of the music may not always be the people we dream them to be, but the music is unchanging & at the end of the day, isn't that what matters? To have a constant in life, something that will never tell you you're wrong, something that will never let you down, something that won't talk about you behind your back, something that will never ever fail you... the one thing I trust in this world right next to God is music. To spend day after day with something so absolute is unforgettable. A constant high of emotions, twenty four to forty eight to ninety six hours and beyond.

During the 2nd Boston show there were two girls with their mother sitting in front of us in the front row. They both had on Jonas t-shirts and were yelling & jumping around before the show even started. I watched them through Honor Society & Jordin Sparks' sets and couldn't look away or help from experiencing their excitement every time they would wave their arms or dance along to the music. Both of the girls had downs syndrome. When Jonas came on stage, they erupted from the second the boys popped up in the center rotating stage. During the first song, Joe came over and saw both girls and stood on the side of the stage and smiled & waved to them. He came back throughout the show to keep smiling at them & at the end of the show he made sure to wave again to them. Every time he would leave, both girls would put their hands above their heads and point to Joe and jump up and down as if his attention was the greatest gift in the world. It was one of my favorite shows on the tour. I loved seeing how Joe would come over to assure their night was so special by making sure they knew he saw them. Unexpected nights like that make me smile when I think about them. It's a blessing to know such a genuine kindness exists in someone so famous, but a gift to know that person makes it a priority to share his heart with others who are so beautifully different.

I lived this summer in a way I can only imagine any outsider would see as reckless and irresponsible. You - the one who doesn't understand why this all makes sense to me or how I can go see the same show night after night - you are an outsider to this world. It's hard to understand what makes all the hours & money worth it. It's nearly impossible to find logic behind seeing a show ten or twenty times. It's almost not worth it to try to question what makes this show & this band worth being so misunderstood by the majority of people you left at home saying you'd see them in September. My life is filled with outsiders to the world I called my home all summer. Being an outsider doesn't seem so bad though. To have a daily routine, to go on vacations and spend time catching up with friends & hobbies, to know where you're going to sleep at night and where you're going to wake up. Being on the outside is enviable. But I have something to explain to you about how things work where I like to be:

- Falling asleep in the back seat of a car in the afternoon or dead of night just means you'll wake up over a hundred miles away from where you were when you closed your eyes. A hundred miles closer to the next night's adventure.
- Showering at America's Best Inn & Suites for two nights in Alabama just means showering at Tennessee's only five star hotel in a few nights will be that much more rewarding.
- Crying during your favorite song every night is only a sign of appreciation that a song so powerful to move you to tears exists in your life.
- Being surrounded 24/7 by the same girls who you can't imagine ever being without makes you wonder how you were strangers less than a year ago.
- Dancing outrageously seems to be the only logical thing to do when you've built up unique choreography to almost every song when you know the set by heart.
- Praying every night between 8:45pm & 10:30pm that time would just stop so you can rewind & relive that night over & over was a normal occurrence for me.

& lastly

- Knowing that being "home" is not an actual place but an all encompassing space in time from when the lights go down to when the lights go back on when you are surrounded by the most familiar faces & you just know that every single second of these moments will never be better than they are right then. ("and i don't know how it gets better than this...")

If I could re-live this summer I would in a heartbeat. Mile for mile, show for show. I'd do it all over again. To the new friends I made, the old friends I kept & the countless number of people I fell in love with all summer... thank you so much for making this unforgettable. You have all shaped my heart with your kindness & friendship.


this will clearly never be read by them but...
the jonas brothers.
i have a million & one things to thank you for but in short... thank you for the change you've made in my life. thank you for giving me the chance to tell you this summer how much 'a little bit longer' helped me, my family & how it just made every thing better in this past year. i have no idea where or who i would be without it. thank you for being genuine in a world where most days it's easier to fake things rather than handle them. thank you for being the band that has given me a fresh idea on how fans should actually be treated, thank you for appreciating your fans rather than resenting them. for calling them enthusiastic rather than crazy. thank you for acknowledging dedication & for every single hug & smile you've given to me and so many others. it takes a lot to make strangers feel like friends & a million 'thank yous' could never be enough. thank you for making 5 seconds into conversations rather than just repeated lines. thank you for every fist pump, every spin, every flip, every jump, every song, every dance & every night you gave 500%. these moments will never be replaced & these memories can never be erased. you are changing the world, thank you forever.

I lived a dream within a dream this summer. Unforgettable.

The Jonas Brothers are more than what you see on the Disney channel & the cover of popstar magazine. They're a talented band who write their own songs & play their own instruments... but they're also genuinely kind, respectful gentlemen who have so many endearing qualities it's hard to name just a few. They take time to get to know their fans, to remember a face, to recall past shows & ask what you like about every night. They are a combination of the band you wish you could be a fan of for the rest of your life & the people you wish you could know better for the rest of your life. I consider them to be the best - the best at what they do & the best versions of who they are. How can any fan ever ask for anything more?

If you were to ask me what makes me the happiest person in the world - I would tell you being at a Jonas Brothers show.

<3"

And there you have it. I honestly don't have a better way of describing my summer. She managed to take all the things I wanted to say and form them into a single blog.

I edited out her thank yous, but I have my own list of people to thank...

Jess: I can't tell you how much I love hanging out with you. Together we are so ridiculous, that I feel bad for anybody around us. Those two nights were amazing, and I couldn't think of a better way to end our weekend in NY. I loved everything about that weekend. The hotel we stayed in. Constantine and our creepy encounter that ended in free soundcheck passes (since I never payed him back hahahaha). Leaving a missing poster in the hotel elevator. Waiting in the lobby until 3 am with those girls, and having Hoffman tweet me drunk all night. Waiting in the rain with our big ass umbrellas. "What the hell you just drove past me I'm all wet out here." "Holy shit it's Hoffman." Getting moved to the 100's section and having our own row of seats basically. I know there's more that I'm forgetting too. I seriously love you, and we will do it again. Bahamas? Free Fallin? Xanax? Oh yes.

Katee: I fucking love you. This summer wouldn't have been the same without you, seriously. I wouldn't have gotten half as close to Honsoc as I did without you. Ruining other people's pictures with Alex. "WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE GIRLS?" which ended in a ridiculous meet and greet picture. I still die laughing when I think about it. Jew cock. Shady hotels. Stupid cities. Reading Miley's book all the way to Cleveland. I can't list everything we did together, but it made my summer. Oh, and a baby isn't like a muffin...at all.

Lillian: Thank you for "pushing the whip" everywhere we went, except when Jesus Jonas drove for our final hurrah. I loved our summer. I will always love our summer. Remember that time you fell out of bed laughing? Or dancing hardcore when WW3 came on? Nirk Lovato? KJ being head of the BP fanclub...Team BP? "6-4-09: Shook Brad's hand", "7-2-09: Saw Brad in concert"...<3 Best time of my entire life.

I should probably thank more people, but I've managed to turn this entire blog into a huge cheesefest already, so I'm done.

The summer of 2009 will never be topped, but I'm willing to give it a try next summer. Jess, Katee, Lillian...are you guys ready? Well...be ready.



AND THIS IS MY SHOUT OUT TO MY BFF ETERNALLY KATELYN BECAUSE SHE LIGHTS MY WORLD WHENEVER IT GETS DARK (happy?).

I miss writing.

And on a completely unnecessary (well, for other people) note, I wish this was real:


I'm going to pretend it is anyway.

If you haven't seen that video, please watch it. If you have seen that video, watch it again anyway. <3

Today was ridiculous. A kid at work had swine, so I spent my entire day taking temperatures with a can of Lysol attached to my hip.

I also got my Halloween costume. It is the definition of awesome.


And Lil Wayne is going to jail. I'm going to die.

You know what sucks? Standing by and watching somebody you love get hurt, and not being able to do anything to stop it.

:/

Win.

♥

Wow okay.

I don't even know what's going on right now.



I just can't even...

I think I need to take a break from everybody around me.
If you need me, I'll be wrapped in a giant blanket, surrounded by cookie dough, popcorn, gobstoppers, and ice cream, and watching movies back to back until Sunday.

Ferris Bueller...I'm coming for you.

I guess this is my punishment for finally breaking and talking to my boss about all the shit that's been going on at work lately.
Cool.

"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."

Overall, 2009 has been such an amazing year. I can't complain, because I had things happen to me that I never dreamed of happening in one hundred years, let alone in one summer.

Call me lame, but I wish for the same thing on 11:11, twice a day. I close my eyes and lift up my feet every single time I go over train tracks, and make that very same wish. On my birthday...same wish. After going all summer without that wish coming true, I was so tempting to throw in the towel and say forget it, because giving up is easier than moving forward when the entire world seems to be against you.

But I decided, after talking to someone that I wish I took the time to get to know earlier, that giving up would be silly. I have all of next year to keep wishing, and I'm determined to make it come true.